I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
