i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
