I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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