You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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