Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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