I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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