so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
