The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
