OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
