Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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