I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
