last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
