i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
