I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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