All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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