please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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