Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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