I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
