i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
