Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
try to milk me bitch
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