I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
