so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
