my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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