i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
third nipple confirmed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
