We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
