Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
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I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
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you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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