Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
