i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize