im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
