I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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