Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
