I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
