I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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