checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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