Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
