My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
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