It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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