Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
