there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
