Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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