oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
