Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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