he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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