Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
