and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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