shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
