Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
