There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
