dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
