It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
