i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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