I wanna bring you to show and tell
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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