Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
