I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
