wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
