So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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