clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
