The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
