hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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