All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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